I'm constantly trying to gain perspective on life. All the little events that happen every day that pile up, one on top of the other that ultimately amount to a shitty day. A pissed off friend. A car that wont start. An angry professor. Nothing good to eat. Getting lost. No service. My phone not working. Dropping my keys. Limited or no connectivity. Long lines. Where do they all fit in? Do they all ever blend into the the wash of "life" or are they each and individually important. Can i treat them with disinterest, or should each one get time and attention. I know its not the latter because there are just not enough hours in the day for that. Maybe there should be? I just wish I had enough time to give everything and everyone the attention they deserve - but i just can't. For the few that understand and play along, thats great. But then the vast majority that does not understand, (and I really don't blame them - even i doubt how little time i have sometimes) i feel like i'm letting them down. Do the little things that seem to take so much out of a person ever stop? Is this what life looks like? If it is, then i need an assistant - because damn - this is too much for one person. The worst part is that i'm supposed to have it well. I sit here from my lovely apartment and easy-way-outs bitching about how tough life can be. I tell myself that its all relative and just because I may have it easier in some situations doesn't make my problems any smaller.

I suppose i'm frustrated because while i sit here waiting for some day when it all comes together, clicks and instantly becomes easier - i'm slowly realizing that maybe it doesn't. Maybe this is what they call life. And maybe this is why there are so many unhappy people. I feel silly still writing about life and its perplexities - but even at 21 i'm still full of questions. If this is what they call life, then how DOES one make it happy. How does one take it all in stride and come out smiling? I'm not unhappy at all, in fact, my life is full of love. Its just hard not to get bogged down by the little things. The little things. They just won't go away.

So, i'm still trying as hard as I can.

Thats enough, right? ...Right?

It's got to be.